My Problem

“I have a little bit of a problem. You see, I kind of like to run towards trouble. It all started when I was a teenager, when my mom was dating this dirt bag that liked to knock her about. I was barely at home, so I didn’t even realise it was going on, but one time I was listening to music in bed when I heard her scream and him yelling at her. It was quite the festivity as you can imagine. Anyway, without even thinking about it I stormed out of my room and just jumped him, scratching, kicking and even biting him until he bled. So what do you think happened?”

The man shrugs.

“He starts beating the crap out of me after he bashes my head against the fridge. And what do you think my mom does?”

The man just looks at me.

“She starts crying. Crying!” I hold out my hands for emphasis. “Like that is going to do anything. Did you see me cry? No, I acted, because that’s what you do when you feel very strongly about something…like wanting to protect someone you love. But no, not her. I was in a coma for three months before I woke up. Know what I did when I got back on my feet?” I slurped on my lemonade. “I set their house on fire.” I slurped again. “They survived and had some scars and absolutely no possessions or a home. Serves them right, no?”

The man blinks.

“Here’s the thing, though. I got away with it, so I guess the moral of the story is, when you run towards trouble, at least make sure you can punch it before it starts running after you.” I wink.

“Why are you telling me this?” the man asks in a gruff voice.

I place the gun on the table. “Just to explain how I became a bounty hunter and that you’re totally under citizen’s arrest right now.” I flash him a smile. “Thanks for the lemonade, though.”

arrested

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